PJO Rapathon
by NicolaQ
Summary: I think I need to seriously clear some stuff up: 1. This is absolutely not a rap battle— for the first few chapters. 2. I can go back to fix these or make them longer if you think there's a problem, but for now everything was completely off the top of my head. 3. Rap battles come later because they're hard. So just tell me who you want battling who before I frack up.
1. What Up With Percy?

Percy's Rap

I'm Perseus Jackson; saving the worlds.

While getting crushed on by a heck lot of girls

But I've got a girlfriend; her name's Anna.

She's more gifted than that fat guy Santa.

I've been through all kinds of gods plus Egyptian and Norse

My high flying ride is Blackjack the dark horse.

Some say I've got the looks of a Roman god

You can't blame the ladies for liking this bod.

With my sea green eyes and jet black hair

I'm like 'Girl, you have a boyfriend'

She's like 'do I look like I care?'

I've had a lot of relationships and most of them been rough

My girlfriend Anna? Dang that girl's tough.

We've been through Tartarus and back because I don't wanna leave her side

Because she's so cute I'm losing my mind.

My second "relationship" was with Rachel Dare

When she became a Delphic Oracle she's like 'for you I do not care

I was drawn to your world, not that you were a hottie

I don't think I wanna date that Mediterranean complexioned body.'

As for Nico; well, that's another story

He's one of the guys on the crushed category.

Speaking of crushed

I kicked Ares's butt

With my pen-sword Riptide

Cause that's just how I vibe.


	2. Nico'll Be Coming At Ya With A Rap

Nico's Rap!

Hey, so my name's Nico and I don't know how to really rhyme

And I've lived to 82 meaning I might not have time

But once I'm done with you; you'll be begging for mercy

Like Akhlys while she was getting choked by Percy

I've a lot of names like Ghost King

Lord of the dark with the silver skull ring

I'm the master of shades with the Stygian iron blade

I can (and will) give you nightmares so you better be afraid.

I'm the fresh prince of the dead

I can put you to bed

By simply pointing to your excuse of a head

I serve no one; most especially Cupid.

Because he's somewhat like a lot of you; Hella stupid.

But if I didn't meet that bitch I would've never faced my fears

Which were quite a lot existing all these years.

I once said "Yes, you will die— someday."

But as the angel I'm eternal; I'm here to stay

We've all got issues… most especially me

As in; once upon a time I had a crush on Percy.

I don't give wealth like Hazel; I'm just brazen and bold.

But the way I've been rapping; you've gotten rich by ten fold.

So if you think you can frack with me; then get out with your trash

Or I'll school you like Lawrence; on your flat soundless ghostly—

**A/N: Guys; I'm gonna need your help for Jason, Piper and Leo. Damn, those guys hard.**


	3. (Groans) Annabeth Raps Yay?

Annabeth's Rap!

So my name's Anna and I'm Percy's Amphitrite

I've got ten skillion more brain cells than Aphrodite

That's what makes me hot

You flimsy girls are not

Fear the nerdy wordy princess cause I'll be throwing more shade

Than the willow tree growing on your dead mothers grave.

In Mark of Athena I won a statue gold and pale

After battling with a spider who's face screamed Epic Fail

I'm greater than Atalanta

I'm more gifted than Santa

My smarts are too great for you to withstand-a.

I'll school you anywhere when it comes to architecture

But let's not do that now; I'm already giving you a lecture

Lesson number one

I'm blonde; not dumb

And if you call me that; like Sadie says 'I'll smack you to your bum.'

I bust bars like Haymitch the smartest witch

I own you bitch

So let me be blunt

You look and smell like a—


	4. Er mi gurd

Piper's Rap. (Dramatic eye roll)

A/N: If you think this is bad, I made it bad on purpose. Isn't it kinda funny when people rhyme badly?

Also, I didn't like Piper that much anyway.

Yo yo; my name's Pipes.

I'll burn you worse than ice.

I know that because I've dealt with Khione twice.

I'm a daughter of Aphrodite, but I don't feel the love here.

Once I'm done with you, you will love me and despair.

I'm a vital part of the Gaea busting seven.

My life's a take as old as time if time were from twenty eleven.

My last relationship was literally a match made in heaven.

And by made, I mean, made up.

That's why we broke up.

I was too blind to notice it even after seven months.

The girls from Ten wanna be like me

Cause the dove that broke the cage; the real beauty queen.

I'll make you disarm yourself case I'm the mediator.

My mom was chilling out while I fought a twenty foot giant gladiator.

I'm not the kinda girl who uses boys like toys

But I'll play with you anyway; that's how Piper destroys.

I'll bust you up like Zethes.

I'm cute but I'll give you creepies.

I didn't need Katoptris to tell me I'm better than these hissies.


	5. I've Got A Surprise for you

**Percy** vs _Nico_. (It's Abouts To Get Crazy)

**Look what the cat dragged back from the dead**

**Man; it looks like Chewbacca wiped his podex on your head.**

**I'd recommend Aphrodite cabin; you you don't like girls.**

**Which goes to show how creepy you are; it makes my fans hurl.**

**Can we back up to when you said I killed your sister?**

**She chose her fate, don't blame it on me, Mister.**

**No one understands you— at least that's what you said.**

**But I understand you should leave before I smack you up the head.**

_Remember when I said "You're not my type"?_

_As in you're not a guy I'd wanna date, love or _

_Your dad once called you an unforgivable mistake._

_After this we're gonna—_

Ross Lynch: Make 'em do a double take.

_Lets take a look at your fan record, shall we?_

_People call me a fan girl magnet, don't you see?_

_Apollo's here so I can swear by him the truth is;_

_You made me fall in love with you but now you make me embarrassed._

**It's weird you feel anything cause you act so laid back.**

**I should've executed my thoughts of putting you in a meat flavoured sack**

**Cause you're right about one thing; I'm embarrassing you**

**Cause a grandpa like you just got schooled.**

**With your daddy issues you should get an award**

**Along with most miserable and most ignored.**

_You bring my father into this? Well if it's that way you wanna play;_

_On your way back from your first quest, Poseidon called you an unforgivable mistake._

_Your first letter from him had the words brace yourself_

_Just because you need a warning to prepare yourself._

_Let's stop talking about that; do you know that I've got no equal?_

_I'm living by my name; Victory to the people!_

_I've forgiven you so many times for so many crimes_

_But I'll straight up kill you if you throw me one more rhyme._

**Fine. Try to kill me.**

**You Men In Black wannabe.**

**Then I'll haunt your life forever and you'll run when you hear the name Percy.**

**I'm a son of the sea but I've burned you bad.**

**Ask your patron Akhlys; you don't wanna see me mad.**

**Even by demigod standards you're a tool for the gods.**

**Misery's pet, Aphrodite's wreck, shadow travel to Gannon.**

**Cause that's pretty much the best you do**

**Until your boyfriend stopped you**

**You're a fallen angel of death ya li'l zombie dude.**

**I'll make you a believer**

**Of Percy Jackson fever**

**Need a doctor's note for that?**

**I hate to break it to ya but you're a real—**

Who won? Who's next? Ya gots to tell me!


	6. Badass vs Shaukeen

**Piper** vs Reyna!

A/N: If Witney Avalon happens to be reading this, I'm sorry I borrowed some of your rhymes. They're just so awesome!

**I'm Piper **

**Like a sniper.**

**I'll snap you up like a viper.**

**If you think we're here because of Jason,**

**You're not exactly mistaken.**

**We're here to see who dominates.**

**Which one Jason should date.**

**Who's the real queen? Me.**

**Search your feelings; you wanna flee.**

I'm Reyna Ramirez-Arellano.

You're too slow to catch my flow.

I'm like Katniss; I'm the fastest.

You call yourself a queen? Queen Bitch.

Jason was shortsighted

To have chosen you over me.

Once I'm done with this flyting

You'll bow to this queen.

**Didn't I say I'm the queen?**

**I'd hate to repeat myself.**

**So far what I've seen**

**Is that your romantic life needs help.**

**You fell for a king but since you couldn't get him **

**You flirted with the next guy that came in.**

You're incapable of slaughter

But I even killed my father.

Even Jason knows I'm hotter

Cause you don't mess with Bellona's daughter.

Your best weapon is a looking glass.

I've got two dogs that can kick your ass.

My forces conquer kingdoms, it's my law they instill.

Love is forbidden, even Nexflix and chill.

This battle is a cold war, who cares who Jason dated?

It's time I told you that your looks are overrated.

They say you're seriously beautiful looking like Cherokee Barbie

Did you also get the plastic surgery?

I'm a sucker for beauty but I leave permanent scars

I'm not Hazel Lavesque but I'm dropping solid gold bars

Who won? Who's next? Review so I can know!


	7. Badass vs Super Badass

_Percy_ vs **Jason**!

Red Lia: Perseus Jackson.

(Person mentioned above slices a deadly arc with Riptide.)

Quora: Versus

Zara: Jason Grace.

(Said person demonstrates his badassery by slashing his gladius like crazy.)

All except opponents: LET THE RAP BATTLE BEGIN!

_Look who's here to battle me; Jason disGrace._

_Get ready to heal yourself of all the burns you're gonna face._

_I'm the son of the sea_

_You shouldn't step to me_

_Cause I'm the prequel and the sequel and I've got no equal._

_When asked; Greek or Ronan, which one did you choose?_

_Greek because you know we never lose._

_I'll take your role as champion because I'm the king of sass._

_They said no weapons but my raps'll kick your—_

**Slow down, Blowfish and mind your sailor mouth.**

**I don't need even mortal steel to take you out.**

**I've fought and killed six giants. How about you; like two?**

**You'll just leave it to your friends like you always do.**

**Some might say numbers don't matter, but when they're discussing the kings**

**I'll turn around and be like "LeBron ain't got six rings."**

**Speaking of numbers: I'm the number one priest of Rome**

**So you can either beg for my mercy or swim back home.**

_You're the one to talk about numbers; Lightning Boy._

_I had five people crushing on me; you had like two._

_I've been in at least four prophecies, you still have two._

_I'm my father's favourite, yours doesn't care you exist._

_Just goes to show your existence is fulla schist._

_**Your father's favourite? You're his unforgivable mistake.**_

_**I'm sure other than schizophrenia, you're the reason he had a splitting headache.**_

_**I'm like Hercules—**_

_Who I surpassed._

**Well I'm Achilles—**

_Been there. Done that._

_You're pretty much everyone's golden boy but don't mind my attitude;_

_You followed in my footsteps; without me there's no you._

_Back in Kansas you thought you would've killed me—_

_Wrong._

_My name lives on._

_I may have rejected immortality but I'll never die._

_So says Google Translate, so bye bye._

_**A/N: Okay so for now I'm not going to be doing rap battles. But we're going to try and do some Wild 'N Out. Want a rap battle? Comment below.**_

_**Up next: Percy Pleads The Fifth.**_


	8. Let's Wild Out!

Let's Wild Out!

Quora: Yo Yo yo everyboday! It's time to—

Crowd: Wild Out! Wild Out! Wild Out!

Quora: Exactly. So Greeks, Romans; no weapons. No powers. Just laughs. That clear?

Reyna: All clear.

Percy: All clear.

Quora: Let's set up our squads!

Red Lia: Over here we've got Aurum AKA Gold Squad.

(Gold squad cheers.)

Zara: And over here we've got Argentum AKA Silver Squad.

(Silver Squad cheers.)

Quora: We'll start with my favourite game—

Crowd: Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it! Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it!

Red Lia and Zara: Squad Leaders; get up here.

(Percy and Annabeth.)

Quora: Shit just got real. BF versus GF. Brain versus Badasserey. This is gonna be epic.

Red Lia: Your topic is Heroes.

Percy: My name might be Perseus but I'm slaying like Heracles. You are Briesis cause I am Achilles.

Annabeth: You are Achilles? That is a scanda. I'm takin you boys down like my name's Atalanta.

Percy: You're Atalanta? That is a lie. I'm Bellerophon, you're Pegasus cause I'm taking you for a ride.

Annabeth: Take me for a ride? That's super mean. But I pack a punch like my name's Creyne.

(Doorbell. Meaning Anna wins!)

Quora: Tough luck my friend. Up next?

(Leo Valdez versus Jason Grace.)

Red Lia: Your word is Soda.

Leo: I'm keeping it popping like I'm diet coke; once I'm done with you you'll be super broke.

Jason: Be super broke? That ain't right. I'm taking the towers while drinking some Sprite.

Leo: If you get my drizzle; I'm Super-sized McShizzle. I cannot hear you cause I'm on Mountain Dew.

Jason: On Mountain Dew. That doesn't make sense. You must be Seven Up cause you're so dense.

(Buzzer.)

Red Lia: Your word is Chess.

Frank: I don't play chess, but I've got you check mate. I'll be hitting you harder that Hazel on our first date.

Nico: You hit my sister? I would put you through heck; but I'm wringing you out like your knight's neck.

Frank: That's not what I meant. Are you as dense as a faun; cause I will play you like a pawn.

Nico: You think I'm a pawn? Actually I'm a rook; cause I've mastered every trick in your book.

Nico: You think you'll turn the tide; but you run out and hide cause you're losing your mind to my Greacus behind. Better call up your legion cause you'll need defences cause this king over here gonna show you what strength is—

Crowd: Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it! Pick up and kill it and kill it.

(A heck lot of dings.)

Quora: Yep. Silver Squad takes the gold. Good thing I'm just presenting; cause I do not fancy getting my ass kicked by Nico Di Angelo.

Quora: Next up is—

Crowd: Turn Up For What?

(Squads gather on the stage.)

Frank: Hey demigods, turn up.

Crowd: Turn Up For What?

Frank: If you do, I'll turn into Percy after dark. Annabeth says he's a real animal.

(Ding.)

Cecil: Hey demigods, turn up.

Crowd: Turn Up For What?

Cecil: As a Hermes camper, I'm judge, jury and thief. As in I judge if the jury is worthy of being thiefed.

(Buzzer.)

Leo: Hey demigods; Turn up.

Crowd: Turn Up For What?

Leo: Cause if you don't, I'll get it lit-er than Lityerses.

(Buzzer.)

Hazel: Hey demigods, turn up.

Crowd: Turn Up For What?

Hazel: Just in case anyone was wondering, I make my own diamonds. Meaning they're most likely fake.

(Ding.)

Percy: Hey demigods, turn up.

Crowd: Turn Up For What?

Percy: So if I'm Aquaman, Jason's Blonde Superman, and Leo's Bad Boy Supreme, that makes Annabeth Owlette, and Piper Unworthy Of The Battlefield.

(Ding.)

Annabeth: Hey demigods, turn up.

Crowd: Turn Up For What?

Annabeth: I took a knife for Percy. I went through hell with him too; and all I get is even more hell than hell.

(Buzzer.)

Will: Hey demigods, turn up.

Crowd: Turn Up For What?

Will: Annabeth here's talking about hell. I haven't been there myself, but I'm dating it's personification so I won't judge.

(Ding.)

Quora: So Lia, who won?

Red Lia: Make some noise for Aurum squad!

Quora: Now for my favourite game!

Nico: I'm just going to ask two simple questions.

Percy: Okay.

Nico: How did you feel when your father said you were a wrong doing?

Percy: Very bad.

(Nico got a wicked glint in his eyes.)

Nico: Now can you explain to me how you felt when I told you you weren't my type?

(Perseus turned pale-ish)

Percy: I plead the fifth.


	9. The Demi Awards

Thanks For Being A Demigod Awards!

Quora: And the winner is…

Red Lia: Nico Di Angelo!

(Here's the jig: one demigod goes to the stage and does an impression of the demigod or god or myth hero announced.)

Percy: (takes trophy and sighs.) I would like to thank you all for this worlds's weirdest award, but I want to ask; why isn't it made from Stygian iron? This is not my type of trophy.

(Ding.)

Red Lia: And the winner is Annabeth Atalanta Chase.

(Nico steps up. He was recently promoted to Argentum squad captain.)

Nico: What's up demigods?

(Applause.)

Nico: (takes trophy.) Thanks for the Architect of Olympus award. I'm also expecting a few others in five minutes like— SPIDER!

(Nico jumps off the podium.)

(Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.)

Red Lia: And the winner is Hephaestus.

(Travis Stoll limps to stage.)

Travis: Thank you, fellow gods, and other organic life forms that hate my godly guts. Even my parents. Big thanks to them. They literally threw me to become who I am today. Hera, who was the inspiration to my first major project. In fact; Hera is the reason why,for I have made so many things. So thank you, mother dearest; for being such an Olympian sized pain in the podex.

(Ding ding ding.)

Red Lia: And the winner is Bellerophon.

(Jason clumsies his way all the way to the podium.)

Jason: Thank you so much for this award. At least I knew that for once I did something right. I mean, (he picks up the trophy) all my life has been some serious Murphy Law syndrome and—

(Jason "accidentally" throws the trophy at no one.

Jason looks left and right real fast and leaves like a hit and runner.)

Red Lia: And the winner is Octavian.

(Everybody boos.

RARA steps to stage, covering her face to avoid invisible projectiles.)

Reyma: Who dares award me worlds's stupidest? Well, at least I got something. So I shall thank you by singing my deepest emotions by singing Kill The Greeks by Dr. Jawn Watson.

("Octavian" just opens his mouth to sing when Chiara Benvenuti comes up.)

Chiara: YOU DARE TO DARE INSULT MY HONOUR AS GOD OF MUSIC? I SHALL PUNISH YOU WITH THE WORST HAIKU IMAGINABLE!

(Ding ding ding ding.)

Red Lia: And the winner is Aphrodite.

(Thalia struts to stage while adjusting her invisible make up.)

Thalia: (assumes ditzy teen voice.) Um, I would like to like thank everybody I've hooked up with and the others I've promised to go out with for actually voting for me! And like, yeah— there's still the others that just think I'm hot. Good romantic lives for, like, all of you. And those who didn't vote for me; Ares and Eros are soo gonna Wreck It Ralph your lives.

(Thalia spies the trophy.)

Thalia: Ugh. My arm's still sore from that spear stab from Diomedes. Hepoo; help me?

(Ding ding ding ding ding ding.)

Red Lia: And the winner is Percy Jackson.

(Someone completely unexpected turns up.)

Mr D: Demigods of Olympus?

(Applause.)

Mr D: I, Pierre Johansson, receive this award with thanks. It seems since worlds's stupidest was taken; I got worlds's most disrespectful. Allow me to admire my trophy while talking smack about Zeus with absolutely no sense of reverence.

(Refer to What The Fox Say.)

Red Lia: And the winner is Leo Valdez.

(Franklin turns up.)

Frank: Super-sized McShizzle in the house!

(Applause all around.)

Frank: Seriously, thanks for making me worlds's hottest; both physically and literally. Most especially all you Chiquitas out there. I've always known that all the ladies love Leo; supreme commander of the Argo II, captain toolbelt, and all time ladies man. Anyone who denies that, they are liars. And I will literally put their pants on fire.

(Buzzer.)

Red Lia: And the winner is Apollo.

(Another unexpected turns up.)

Artemis: What's up fellow over egotistical males?

(Polite applause.)

Artemis: Thank you for the worlds's shiniest. Are you sure it's not all the plagues I threatened you all with?

(Buzzer.

Artemis shot Quora and Lia a deadly look. They shot her another one back.)

Red Lia: And the winner is Artemis.

(Unexpected.)

Aphrodite: Good evening, mostly unbelievers of divine spinsterhood.

(Artemis lunged but was held back by Urania and Adrian.)

Aphrodite: I have a lot of time since I don't have a man to return to in— ever. Not just because I don't have one, but I already saw in my future as a child that I would never be pretty enough to get one.

(That's it.)

Artemis: Ooh, my name's Aphrodite and I've slept with at least half of all the Olympian guys just because my husband isn't my type.

Aphrodite: Wow, my name's Artemis and I don't date cause I'm too good for everybody.

Artemis: (takes a singsong tone) So this is how it's gonna be?

Aphrodite: Yes.

Artemis: This is what you think of me?

Aphrodite: Of course.

(The goddess draws her divine bow.)

Artemis: It's going down like I told you, that's how it's gonna be!

(Very loud and long air horn.)

Quora: I, Quora, daughter of all and none, the weirdest, and leader of the QUARZ, suggest that you two little bitches settle this with a rap battle. No magic. No weapons. Just rhymes. That clear?

Artemis and Aphrodite: Why should we—,

Everybody else: RAP BAT-TLE! RAP BAT-TLE! RAP BAT-TLE! RAP BAT-TLE!

Quora: Because I said so. And it's a weird idea. Everybody loves Weird.

(The goddesses shrug.)

"Let's Remix This Business." They say.


	10. Celibacy vs Imma Hoe

Celibacy vs Imma Hoe.

A/N: Been super lazy with this. I'm sorry. But seriously; I was seriously uninspired.

_Hey Temis; about time we see._

_You can't take down this beauty queen._

_I'm the prettiest, most loved, and even most popular_

_I almost forgot; I'm way hotter._

_You might've killed my Adonis, but I forgave you _

_Or I could've gone Eros and Psyche on you._

_So self righteous and innocent, woman of the moon_

_But one thing about me is I'm like a rhyming typhoon._

**Aphrodite; it's right in your name**

**Your head's so full of sea foam you don't have any shame**

**Hide your boys and hide your husbands; my kin is creeping nearer**

**You and Helen have one thing in common; your best weapon's a mirror**

**You're powerful 'cause you're pretty and a real slut**

**I really hate to break it to you; but**

**Back in Sparta they whipped boys to death for me**

**You cursed those girls in Cyprus to be just like thee.**

**Love is forbidden since it could ruin your life—**

_Oh, that's what you say cause a man would be stupid to take you as his wife._

_Your Hunters do your dirty work while you send them on quests_

_That they usually end up dying for. Bravo! I must confess._

_Meaning it's also your turn to confess I've got more power than you._

_Live for love or die for hunting; what do people choose?_

_Love because it's the reason for us all_

_When you're ready to realize that, be like Ares and gimme a call._

_Speaking of Ares; don't make me go Areia_

_Or I'll bring the inner Alpheea in ya_

**You want to talk about masks? Let's see what I can do**

**You wear a mask of beauty but inside you're a fool.**

**You say you're loved by all; but I have a few who hate your pretty face**

**Hippolytus, Polyphonte, and Thalia Grace.**

_Wait; Thalia? Hate me?_

_That's because she couldn't date Luke, you see._

_While the giants were raging havoc you were chilling in Delos_

_Which is to say I'm better than you archer fellows._

**Better than us? You caused the Trojan War**

**For a shiny golden apple your just had to score**

**Sorry, Anosia, I hate to burst your bubble**

**But quoth Perseus Jackson****—**

Percy: You've never made anything with her own hands except trouble.

**You wanna battle me; You're not strong enough.**

**In a street fight you wouldn't live long enough**

**Like when Diomedes impaled you you'll be fleeing the scene**

**Cause you're a little ditzy princess I'm a plague shooting queen.**

Who won? Who's next? _**You Decide On The Comments**_


End file.
